


Love Always, Lance.

by ofthedells



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, I'm tired, It's late, Letters, Love Letters, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Pining Lance (Voltron), Technically lol, childhood friends hunk and lance, cute stuff man, i'll probably forget i wrote this in the morning, i'm gonna keep adding tags as i go, idk if someone else has done this if they have i'm so sorry, idk man, mention of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:45:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8055052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofthedells/pseuds/ofthedells
Summary: He pours out his feelings onto empty pages that collect over time and rest in a dusty pile on his desk. He writes letters, notes and thoughts to Keith but who knows if they will ever be sent.❁❁❁ORKeith and Lance had a tumultuous past, and Lance is trying to set things right. Or, he would be if he had the courage to send any of this.





	1. letters unsent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "How cruel time can be  
> I wrote you a book  
> But I left it out in the rain  
> Left it there to dry  
> But it got rained on once again"  
> -Laura Marling, Breathe

 

September 1st  
~~Hey man how’s it hanging~~

~~Keith- It’s Lance~~

~~Wazzzuuuuupp~~

~~I know it’s been awhile but~~

~~I miss you~~

~~Hey Keith, by the time you get this~~

~~Nothing~~

~~This is hard~~

Keith-  
It sure has been awhile hasn’t it? It’s Lance. ~~why would I say that you obviously saw it on the envelope~~ How have you been? Knowing you, i’m sure you’ve been doing really great. Kicking ass. The usual Keith stuff.  
I don’t really know what to say. I ~~guess I m~~

This is going to be harder than I thought.

 

❁❁❁  
September 6th

Keith-  
Hunk and I saw the cutest dog today. The owner didn’t know what kind she was, she was a rescue, but she was big and fluffy and her eyes were two different colors! She was really nice and her name was Pepsi. Not sure why.  
Anyway, I hope Keith world is doing well. Are you still in touch with Shiro? I’m sure you are. I chat with Pidge every once and awhile, but she won’t talk about you. I’m afraid to ask. She’s pretty busy with her job and stuff.  
It’s crazy to think It’s been so long since we were all together. Hunk and I, back home. You doing… something. Pidge off on official Pidge Business. Shiro, and presumably Allura, off doing whatever it is they did.  
It makes me feel so old. It feels like just yesterday we were cramming for physics exams and sneaking out on Friday nights.  
I don’t like to think about it.

Always,  
Lance

❁❁❁  
September 17th  
Keith-  
It’s FINALLY FALL!!!!!!!  
I mean I’m not sure if it’s really officially fall, but it got kind of cold today! And pumpkin spice lattes are out! Joy to the world! I made myself wear a sweater, even though it wasn’t cold enough for that. Although I got all sweaty, it was worth it and I looked fine as hell.  
Remember that one time when we all went to that corn maze to commemorate the beginning of fall? And remember how we got lost and separated from everyone else? And how we were stuck there until closing time of the corn maze? They had to send a bunch of people looking for us? I remember. You might’ve forgotten.  
I still believe that Pidge orchestrated that whole thing. Without a doubt.  
Well, I gotta go. My shift starts soon and I gotta get ready. Hope you’re well.

Always,  
Lance

❁❁❁  
September 29th  
Keith-  
Do you remember that night, it was cold. A friday. I remember the exact date, January 14th. It was 1 am. You texted me, and for once I answered? Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I didn’t pick up the phone. Do you?  
I snuck out and met you at that all night diner. We walked around in the woods after eating endless stacks of pancakes. It was so cold, one of the coldest nights of the year. I think it might’ve even snowed that night.  
The moon was so bright, it was almost full. The snow glittered and crunched when we stepped on it. Everything was still, the sky seemed to hang silently above us, stars icy cold and quiet, like the ground. The tall grass that stuck up from the snow was covered in tiny frozen droplets of water and stuck up stiffly.  
It was us, us in that moment. Just us.  
Things sure were simple back then, in the quiet woods.  
Well, I’ve had quite the day. I had a suuuuper long shift and when I got home I fell asleep for like, 6 hours. I shit you not. I was exhausted, I still am. You know how when you wake up from naps you get really disoriented? Basically, I woke up at 6 P.M. and I thought it was 6 A.M. and that I had travelled back in time and I just sat there staring at the wall thinking about what I should eat for breakfast.  
Funny right? Anyway, hope you’re doing good. Hope you are in good health or whatever. I hope your hair is still mullet-y, never thought I’d say that, hah.

Always,  
Lance

❁❁❁  
Oct. 1  
I don’t know why I’m writing these. It isn’t like I’m going to send them. I don’t even have your address.

❁❁❁  
Oct.3rd  
I wish things could’ve ended differently

❁❁❁

Oct. 30th  
Keith-  
It has been raining all week. Do you still like the rain? You still emo like that? I hope it doesn’t rain halloween night because Hunk and I are gonna jump out at kids trick or treating from the bushes in his yard. It was not his idea. I had to talk him into it, and he still wanted to bring a bag of candy to give to the kids just in case we scare them too badly. Classic Hunk.  
What’re your halloween plans? I remember when we all used to go to Shiro’s parties. He and Allura always had the best costumes. I miss them. I miss a lot from that time. Like I said, I try not to think about it.  
Well I gotta blast, Hunk keeps getting on my ass about cleaning up the apartment. Yeah, I’m living in an apartment with Hunk. Our parents gave us enough passive aggressive hints, and eventually we bounced out of there. Our apartment is nice, small, but nice. He takes care of the aesthetically pleasing furniture and the food (just FYI, he is still an amazing cook) and I get stuck with the dishes and laundry. Somehow I feel like I’m getting the raw end of the deal here.  
Hope you’re alright, wherever you are.

Always,  
Lance  
❁❁❁  
Dec. 25th  
Keith-  
Merry Christmas from the hospital :\\. I’m dying. Not actually! That could have been phrased better. I just feel like shit. And I’m not actually at the hospital, just a drop in clinic. I think I might have pneumonia?  
Even though I haven’t been sending these, and you probably don’t care one bit about what’s happening in my life, I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long. I had a lot of stuff happen to me in the past month or so. First of all, and best of all, PIDGE CAME BACK!  
Right? Am I right? I mean it’s bad for Pidge, because she had a really good job. The only reason she came back was because she got laid off. It wasn’t her, just budget cuts or whatever. She actually moved in with me and Hunk, which helped with the rent a ton.  
Also this month I sort of started dating someone? I didn’t really like it. It wasn’t them! They weren’t too bad, I guess I just haven’t had anything serious since… well not in a long time.  
It was nice in a way I suppose, getting to go out to dinner and movies and cuddle and hold hands and whatever. But it felt wrong. Really wrong.  
In the past few years I’ve only really had one night stands, or if it was a date, no more than one or two dates.  
It all feels so weird. So empty. Without you.  
I think I’m gonna get called soon. It’s crazy here, it being Christmas and all, I feel bad for the people working here.  
Hope you’re doing well (and don’t have PNEUMONIA)

Always,  
Lance

❁❁❁  
Dec. 31st  
Keith-  
It was pneumonia. I’ve spent the past couple of days coughing my goddamn lungs out and sleeping. Hunk has made sure that I am well fed and have plenty of blankets. Pidge sometimes keeps me company and reads to me, getting me water and stuff. I can’t talk. It hurts too much. Every time I even think about coughig I coughdsd  
That made me cough.  
I wonder how you’re spending New Years?  
Pidge and Hunk left me alone. They’re heading up to the apartment roof with some neighbors, apparently there are going to be midnight fireworks.  
It’s so dark and quiet in here. Empty too.  
~~I miss you~~  
4...3...2...1...  
Happy New Year!  
Remember that one night? It was before anything happened between us, but after we became closer friends. It actually might have been New Years, we were all at Pidge’s cabin. I just remember everything being so happy. Pidge’s parents let us have a bottle of champagne for New Years, we all got waaay too excited about it. We sat by a fire. Everyone else went to bed (again, I believe that was a Pidge curated occurrence).  
I think we had a little too much champagne.  
It was my first kiss.  
~~I don’t think you even remember.~~

 

Lance.

❁❁❁

January 14th  
Keith-  
I’m writing this from my balcony. I know, I know. I’m still sick. I shouldn’t be outside. But I had to see the moon. Don’t worry, I have tons of blankets, and I won’t be out for long.  
Pneumonia really gets you, man. I haven’t been able to work for like three weeks!! My boss is kinda pissed but like I don’t know what to tell him, I literally have pneumonia.  
I remember this night so well. I know you do too. It sounds stupid, but I find some way to celebrate this anniversary every year, even if it is just by sitting on my balcony and trying to see the moon above buildings.  
It was so quiet, the air so still and dry, the snow cold and shimmering.  
I remember when you confessed. You came out to me. You apologized. Why did you apologize? I remember the butterflies in my stomach. I remember how I confessed to you.  
It was so quiet. So quiet, and then you just started laughing. Chortling, chuckling, whatever you call it, it escalated to a full on screaming crying laugh. I laughed too. What were we laughing at? I laughed because you laughed and your smile was so pretty in the moonlight,  
God, I am such a cheeseball. I need to take it down like 60000 notches,  
Anyway. I hope you are having a good night. I hope you are happy with your life.

Love Always,  
Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, let me know how you like it! you can comment or message me on my tumblr: eremint
> 
> sorry if this first chapter was kind of boring, i just had to set some stuff up. the next chapter will have not only angsty love letters, but some texts too! maybe even a group chat ಠ‿↼
> 
> this won't be too long! i can't see it going past 5 chapters. i'll try to update tomorrow.
> 
> let me know what u think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love u sorry i didn't proofread so try to ignore that it's been a long shitty week of school and it's only like 1am and i'm tired AF


	2. spring thaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We met in a place I used to go,  
> Now I only walk by it slow,  
> Can't bear to go in without you know,  
> Wish I could"  
> -Norah Jones, Wish I Could

_Mom_ named the conversation: **lance the apartment is a mess it’s ur turn to do the goddamn dishes and tbh honestly pidge and i are sick of ur shit**

 _Lance:_ hunk why are u like this

 _Lance_ renamed the conversation: **kidz in space**

 _Mom:_ U’ve been lying in bed for weeks, pidge and i both know ur feeling better so if u could at least put ur own GODDAMN DISHES IN THE SINK it’d be nice

 _Look at all those pidgeons_ : pls stop making me get you pepsi i know it’s bad for your throat

 _Lance_ : God i fucking

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ love pepsi

 _Mom:_ We know

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ just for the love of god clear up your dishes on the table

 _Mom:_ Or leave and go for a walk or something so that i can clean up without u blasting music and ordering me around

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ pls god if i have to hear one more song from the early 2000s so help me…

 _Lance:_ THE EARLY 2000S WERE A GIFT

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ whatever loser

 _Mom:_ Just get out of the house, the fresh air will be good for u

 _Lance:_ I don’t like going on walks

 _Mom_ : U used to

❁❁❁

Feb. 15

Keith-

I went on a walk in our old neighborhood today. I didn’t think I’d ever want to again, but it was kind of nice. I didn’t go in the woods, but I did walk past it. Not much has really changed. They did chop down that one tree. You know the one I’m talking about, the really big gnarly one? We used to climb it and squirt Shiro and Allura with water-guns whenever they would go do gross teenager stuff like make out in the woods. I also thought of it as our tree. I miss those times. We had so much fun back then, before high school, before anything I don’t know if you know, after you left and I went off to college, my family moved. I’m not 100% sure why. They told me that my mom wanted to live closer to work so she’d have an easier commute. I think they just didn’t want to deal with the neighbors after everything that had happened. It was really sudden. They made the decision when I was still in the hospital. Once I got out they had packed up everything, my room, my clothes, posters. Everything. I moved into the dorm and they moved into a different neighborhood. You know the one on the other side of the high school? A few blocks down 4th Avenue? I remember that day when we were biking around and got lost there, we made up names and stories for the people we saw. We stopped in that little cafe. My sisters tried to go to the cafe I told them about but they said they couldn’t find it. I drove around myself when I came home for break, nothing. Maybe I imagined the whole thing. That was a good day.

College only kind of worked out for me. It felt weird, you know? We had always planned on going together and then I was there all alone at that big university. Sometimes I would look for your face in the crowd, hoping you had changed your mind and gone anyway. I only made it through the first two years. I had a lot of anxiety issues, I didn’t really make any friends. My grades slipped for too long. I lost my scholarship. I went back home. Hunk was going to the local college. Thank God. I told myself I would take classes at the local community college, but it never really happened. Now I work at Target. Yikes.

What are you doing now, I wonder? Both of our plans have changed so much. You never really told me what you were planning on doing. You never told me anything. You didn’t even say goodbye. You just left. You left me there.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that. At first, for a long time actually, I was really mad at you for that. But I was kind of at fault too. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. That wasn’t fair. I want to make excuses for myself. I was hurt. I was tired. I was hopped up on some drug they gave me at the hospital. I was afraid. Really I’d just like to say I’m sorry. It feels like I just spend my days here, wasting away in our hometown. I’m waiting for you to come back. Please come back. I want to apologize.

This was a lot longer than I expected it to be. It’s really nice out here. The snow is thawing. I know it’s just gonna snow again in a few weeks but whatever. I might’ve spotted a bud on a tree earlier. Hunk was right, the fresh air was good for me. Of course I’m not gonna give him that satisfaction and tell him. I hope you’re doing well.

Love Always,

Lance.

❁❁❁

Feb. 27th

Keith-

I’m finally over pneumonia. That shit just takes everything out of you. Like even after I stopped coughing I was still so tired all the time? It was horrible. Anyway, now I’m back to work. My boss is really mad at me, I mean I’m only partially at fault because it isn’t like I wanted to get pneumonia? But also sometimes I just don’t show up. I don’t know, sometimes I have bad days. I’m too anxious to go outside, or too tired to get out of bed. I just don’t really have any motivation. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Oh my God, guess who I ran into today????? CORAN! Remember Coran?!?! He was so cool. Allura’s uncle! Remember that time we tried to start a band and he let us use his garage and then he just walked in during practice and started randomly just SHREDDING IT ON THE DRUMS?! Classic Coran. Unless you already know, he told me Shiro and Allura are engaged and living a couple hours away. He said Allura has some sort of important/ classified/badass government job (not surprised) and that Shiro is a highschool teacher (slightly surprised). Shiro is probably one of those teachers that all the kids love and just call him by some weird nickname and talk to him about all their problems. It’s nice to know they’re in a good place.

Back to Coran, he was making a return at Target and I had just gotten off my shift. He was attempting to return a flat-screen TV he bought two years ago, and a bunch of bananas he bought yesterday. I asked why and he just shook his head and said ‘regret’. Okay.

He said Shiro and Allura were going to come down and pay him a visit soon. He said I should drop by and say hello. I might. I’m kind of scared though. They were really mad at me after what happened. Maybe I’ll ask Shiro about you. Maybe I won’t.

Hope everything is smooth in Keith town.

Love always,

Lance

❁❁❁

 _Lance:_ HUNK

HUNK HELP ME

SHIT

FUCK

DAMN

SHIT

PISS

FUCK

 _Mom:_ Christ, I’m in a meeting right now, what do u want??

 _Lance_ : ZENDAK I SAW ZENDAK

 _Mom:_ How could u have seen Zendak? And why do u *still* use that ridiculous codename, his name is Jake

 _Lance:_ I DON’T KNOW

Hunk I’m not kidding I was at work and I saw him in a checkout line a few lines down from me

 _Mom:_ What did u do??

 _Lance:_ Uh

Well I left

 _Mom:_...

In the middle of ur shift?

 _Lance:_ Kinda

Yeah

 _Mom:_ Well at least u didn’t see Neil.

 _Lance:_ I DID ZARKON WAS WITH HIM!!

 _Mom:_ YOU SAW SENDAK AND ZARKON ON THE SAME GODDAMN DAY

 _Lance:_ YEAH

 _Mom:_ FUCK

 _Lance:_ I KNOW

 _Mom:_ How are they out? Weren’t they supposed to be in for longer?

 _Lance_ : idk there was a bunch of bullshit at the trial, they were minors, they ‘showed remorse’. They got like four years in a juvenile center or something and then they have to go through counseling after it or whatever. I wasn’t at the trial, my dad just told me and u kno how he can be.

 _Mom:_ Yeah.

And with good behavior they probably could’ve got out sooner. Bastards

Are you okay?

 _Lance_ : idk I’m just sitting in the apartment with all the doors and windows locked.

 _Mom:_ Do u want me to come home?

 _Lance:_ No, stay in ur meeting.

Pidge will be home soon, I think. Her shift ends at 3.

 _Mom:_ Okay

Love u dude be careful

 _Lance:_ that’s kinda gay, bro

Mom: Shut ur bitch ass up

❁❁❁

March 2nd

Keith-

I saw Zendak and Zarkon the other day. It was really weird. And crazy. It was at work, I just ran away. I literally just left.

My boss was so mad at me. He said that if anything like this happens again...blah blah blah… three strikes and you’re out…. “You already have two strikes”... whatever. It was worth not having to face them or make eye contact.

Sometimes I still have dreams about that night. It’s always hot out, dark. I’m shaking. They’re approaching. I’m trying to warn you to get out. I can never see you but I always hear you crying. I don’t remember if you actually cried that night. I only remember you running for help, screaming.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for the trial. You must have been so scared, all by yourself up there. I’m glad you testified. Even though you lied. I’m glad you testified. I shouldn’t have overreacted. I should have thought more about you. About your safety. I know what your grandmother would have done if she found out you were gay. Even though you, well, kept out some parts of the story. I don’t think it really mattered. They’re out now. They’re still in town.

I got home and I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t know what about. I was afraid they’d find me and hurt me again. Or that they’d go looking for you, looking for revenge. I don’t know. I feel better now.

Hope you’re well, and safe.

Love always,

Lance

❁❁❁

March 10th

Keith-

It finally happened. I got fired. I haven’t been going to work. I’m so tired, Keith. I’m tired of feeling like this. Just anxious and depressed. I’ll have to figure out another job soon, to pay rent, but all I want to do is sleep. Sleep, eat, cry, repeat. You’d probably think I’m crazy. I would. I got a call from Coran today, we exchanged numbers last time I saw him. He said Shiro and Allura would be here in two weeks. I still haven’t made up my mind if I want to see them. I’m tired. I’m going back to bed.

Hope you’re doing good, being productive, living your life.

Love always,

Lance.

❁❁❁

~~Keith-~~

~~I really (really really really really really) miss you.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyeyyey  
> coolio i pretty much know where i'm going with this :) i can probably crank out another chapter before the end of the weekend, with more juicy stuff and more info on lance & keith's past.
> 
> let me kno how u feel!!! pls!!! i'm dying!!! either in the comments or on my tumblr: eremint (or my main hula-hoopist)
> 
> ALSO my friends and i made this rlly amazing klance everytime we touch amv, pls watch it it'll change ur life
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LLCpKUKPfw
> 
> oh also i just made zarkon and sendak's 'real' names the names of their voice actors in case u were confused hah
> 
> if ur reading this i love u bye


	3. remember remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw if people have triggers relating to: alcohol, anxiety, depression, homophobic language/actions!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Time it was  
> And what a time it was, it was  
> A time of innocence  
> A time of confidences"  
> -Simon & Garfunkel, Bookends

March 16th Keith- I feel like I’m spiraling. In a bad way. What does that even mean? Why didn’t I ever remember how much I miss you? My bad dreams are coming back. You know the ones. With Zarkon and Sendak? You used to hold me, when I woke up crying. Telling me it would be okay. They’d never come after us. Nothing would happen. I don’t blame you. You had no way of knowing what could ever happen. I’ll never forget that night. The night they found us in the woods. Our woods. They came into our goddamn woods. Our safe place. Our sacred spot. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back and look at it the same way. Love always, Lance.

❁❁❁

March 17th???18th???

Keeith-

Hwat if your name was spelled Kieth. That is So Weird. So wrong. It’s KEITH not KIETH. Isn’t it weird how wrong that seems and only two letters switched places? Hey, why do we associate a certain sound and music type with space when it doesn’t make any sounds? Weird. I may have had a little bit much to drink. I haven’t left the apartment in awhile there’s really not much else to do. Lovelvoelovelovelove you

Always love, Lancelot

(P.S. I still have your old jacket!! I just found it!!)

(P.P.S. It still has blood on it. I should probably wash it off, but what if stops smelling like you?)

(P.P.P.S. You smell like flowers)

(P.P.P.P.S. What does P.S. stand for?)

❁❁❁

March 18th.

Keith-

Jesus my head hurts too much to write this was a bad idea. Miss you. (Finally said it)

Love always,

Lance

❁❁❁

March 19th

Keith-

Hunk is really mad at me. In that weird Hunk way. Like he’s super passive aggressive and hinting. Sometimes he looks like he’s about to snap, but he doesn’t. He wants me to get another job, I mean obviously, I need to pay the rent. I’m trying here, but I’m really struggling.

I feel so anxious all the time. Ever since seeing Zarkon and Sendak I won’t go outside. I try, I really do. I put my hand on the doorknob, turn it. And. I freeze. I really don’t know why I won’t go outside. It isn’t like they know where I live, I doubt they’d do something again. Well, I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t even them. Maybe just two jerks who looked like them and moved like them and had the same clothes and just happened to hang out together.

Whatever.

It looks like I won’t be able to see Shiro. It’s so hard for me to leave the house, it isn’t like he’d ever want to come looking for me. Nobody does. I’ve started drinking more. I don’t know. I just get too stressed out, or too bored. It helps take it all away. I know, wherever you are, you’d be disappointed. I’ve never been good at letting my feelings out. Hah, that’s what I had you for! Just kidding, of course, you meant so much more to me than that. You meant everything to me. Obviously, I didn’t mean the same. If I did you wouldn’t have left. It’s okay, I understand. You don’t need to feel sorry.

Just today I realized that you could be anywhere. A different city, country. You could be in a relationship, I guess you could even be married. It’s so weird to think that you could be starting your life with someone else. Hope you (and your hypothetical special friend) are doing well.

Love always,

Lance

❁❁❁

 _Mom:_ Lance where are you??

Why haven’t you answered

Lance

I’m actually worried??

It’s 1 am… You haven’t left in days and now you’re just gone??

If you don’t answer me soon I’m gonna go out looking for you

Pidge had to stop me from calling the police

Lance?

❁❁❁

March 20th

Keith-

God I have the worst cold. It’s 100% my fault though. I know that. It’s kind of a long story. I was just feeling really shitty and I had a couple of drinks and idk. I don’t remember much else. I wanted to go for a walk. Out of the blue. I haven’t left in days, maybe weeks? Who knows. Then I just felt like I needed to go to the woods. I was totally convinced that you would be there? Like I had convinced myself we had made plans to meet and you would be there and things would be okay again. Long story short. Pidge and Hunk had to go looking for me. I

passed out on some lady’s porch and didn’t even reach the woods. She called the cops and they drove me home. They probably think I’m an alcoholic. I swear I’m not, I’m just coping. I’ll stop soon enough. Hunk is really mad at me. Like he’s exceeded his passive aggressive stage to his just full on aggressive stage. He yelled at me for thirty minutes when I was still drunk, and then thirty more after I sobered up.

God, my head is killing me. First of all I’m still hungover, secondly I must’ve caught a cold from being out there too long. You know how it is here, March is a crazy month. It sure has been for me. I miss you Keith. I wish you would come home. I don’t care if you don’t love me anymore. I just want to see you. Even if it’s just for five minutes. Well, you and I both know that won’t happen. Lord, I need a drink.

Love always,

Lance

❁❁❁

March 22nd

Keith-

You know I just realized I’ve never actually told anyone what happened that night in the woods with Zarkon and Sendak. I just woke up after the trial and everyone kinda knew. Nobody wanted to talk about it directly, except you. I pushed you away. I told you I couldn’t be together in secret anymore. I told you it wasn’t worth it, that things would just end up like this. I told you to get lost. And you did. I’ll never regret anything more in my life than doing that.

Why did we have to go to the woods that night? We just had to see each other? We couldn’t wait until early morning? When nobody would be prowling about in the woods? Why didn’t we think clearly? We knew they wanted to hurt us. To take our pride, our happiness, our sense of safety. And they caught us kissing too… God… Did they say anything about that in court? Was your grandma there? Homophobic dickheads. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you Keith. I should have been. I should have been. I can’t believe I didn’t think about that. I didn’t think about you. I hear their voices when I go to bed.

“Faggot.”

“Pussy.”

“Disgusting.”

I still feel their fists. Their punches. Kicks. I can’t believe Zarkon pulled out a knife. I still have a scar. Sometimes I just run my hand up and down it. I think of you. I’d go through it over and over again, just to know you were safe.

I wish I had been there for you. I wish I could’ve been there to hold you, to feel your pain. You had always been there for me. I was too much of a coward. I just yelled at you, I hurt you. I expect you hate me now. You want me dead. You aren’t the only one.

I hope you’re doing okay. It’s getting colder here. I think it might snow again.

Love always,

Lance

❁❁❁

**kidz in space**

_Mom_ : Lance could u start dinner pls I’m so hungry, I might pass out when I get home

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ he can’t

 _Mom:_ What? Y???

 _Look at all those pidgeons_ : he passed out in the kitchen. I had to drag him to his room. It took like 20 minutes

 _Mom:_ Passed out?????? Is he okay??????

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ he’s fine. too much to drink

 _Mom:_ Oh

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ i’m worried hunk he hasn’t been like this since after it happened

 _Mom:_ I know.

❁❁❁

March…?? Something

Keith-

I miss you. I miss the little kisses I’d give you on your nose. I miss your cute little laugh. I miss the way you gave hugs. I miss the way you looked when you were asleep. That was kinda creepy. Point is, I miss you so much, I can’t believe I’ve been in denial this whole time, and I’ll never get you back. I don’t deserve you or your love. I don’t exactly remember when I started writing these letters. I’ve had a hard time remembering things lately. I think I just wanted to cleanse myself. Of these feelings that have been eating away at me for so long. I just felt feel so much hurt inside of me. I want you back and I know I can’t have you. You deserve better.

Allura and Shiro came to town today. Hunk and Pidge went to visit them. I didn’t.

Love always,

Lance

❁❁❁

March ???

Keith-

I remember when I was in the hospital. After I woke up. And after you had left. It was just me. Shiro was too mad to see me, he waited until I got out of the hospital to yell at me about hurting your feelings. Allura came, but I wouldn’t call it a pleasant visit. For the most part I was there with Hunk and Pidge. And my family, of course. Hunk and Pidge have always been there for me. I really don’t deserve them. They sat there and just watched me cry. For hours. Days. About my injuries. About Zarkon and Sendak, about you. They’ve always been there. I don’t deserve them.

Love always,

Lance.

❁❁❁

 _Hunk_ : it was so good to see u the other night! U and Allura should really come over and see our apartment.

 _Shiro_ : We’d love to!! We really missed you guys. Plus we’d love to see Lance. I feel bad, not talking to him all these years. It was kinda petty.

 _Hunk:_ i actually wanted to talk to u about Lance… I’m really worried about him.

Shiro: Really? Why, what’s going on?

 _Hunk:_ he’s acting the way he did after it happened. only worse.

 _Shiro:_ You mean like after Zarkon and Sendak fucking stabbed him in the woods and beat the shit out of him?

 _Hunk:_ er i mean what else

anyway. he’s really anxious all the time, he either won’t leave the house for weeks (he lost his job) or he’ll just disappear for hours on end. He’s started drinking a lot. he passed out on some lady’s porch, drunk.

 _Shiro:_ Shit. I’ll come over tonight.

❁❁❁

March???I give up?

Keith-

Shiro came over last night to talk to me. I didn’t expect him to. It was so embarrassing, I wanted to die. I didn’t know he was coming, Hunk didn’t tell me. I had been sleeping all day. I was super fucking drunk when he came. I don’t remember much of what I said, but I think I might’ve told him everything? I cried. I know that. And I threw up. I think I remember telling him about how much I missed you and would give anything to talk to you and that I love you and I didn’t mean to send you away or hurt you, but that it is probably too late to do anything about it. I don’t remember what he said, other than the fact that he apologized for yelling at me all those ages ago. I don’t know, I can’t get myself to believe him. I mean it really was all my fault that you went away. I didn’t deserve you. I gotta go. I don’t know. It hurts too much to write right now.

Love always,

Lance.

❁❁❁

Keeiiiiithhh

I miss you. I love youu. I’m kinda drunk. It’s fine. I’m FINE. Hidge and Punk are out somewhere. Doing something. Doing stuff. I really wanna go back to the woods. I wanna see you. I know you’re not gonna be there. You never will be. I just like walking. Walking is nice, Sometimes. Except in the woods. At night. But I won’t go in. I’ll be fine. You’ll see. I’ll be fine. I think it’s snowing. It’s pretty. It reminds me of you.

Love youu

Lance

❁❁❁

 _Mom_ added _space princess isn't afraid to kick ur ass to next tuesday_  and _Shiro_ to **kidz in space**

 _Mom:_ has anyone seen Lance????? i’m really worried, he wasn’t here when we got home tonight, and Pidge and I got home at like 2 am?? Is he at your place? Anyone?

 _ _space princess isn't afraid to kick ur ass to next tuesday__ : No he isn’t here at Coran’s. Should we go out looking for him?

Look at all those pidgeons.: yes. we should. this is bad.

 _Shiro:_ Allura and I will canvas our neighborhood, in case he came here. Pidge, you look around your neighborhood. Make sure you check all the landings of steps in your apartment building. He might not have gotten very far. Hunk, where else might he have gone?

 _Mom:_ I dunno. Maybe the old neighborhood? But I didn’t think he’d ever want to go back.

 _Shiro:_ Check anyway. We need to find him, it’s really cold out tonight.

❁❁❁

[OUTGOING 911 CALL]

❁❁❁

**kidz in space**

_Mom:_ I found him.

 _Look at all those pidgeons:_ is he okay??????????

 _Mom_ : I don’t know. He was really cold. He was covered in snow. He was shaking, I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. I think he might have been hallucinating. When the ambulance got there he stopped breathing. They had to give him CPR on the sidewalk. I’m at the hospital now. They won’t let me see him.

 _space princess isn't afraid to kick ur ass to next tuesday_ : We’re on the way

❁❁❁

Dear Keith, I guess?

This is Hunk. Hi, How’s it going. This feels really weird. I don’t like this. Anyway, Lance is in the hospital right now. He has hypothermia. I’m not all that update on the whole situation, they’re only letting family in right now and we’ve only heard snippets of what’s really going on. I think he’s going to be okay, though. They might keep him a little longer for observation. When I found him he was cold and shivering, but when the ambulance got closer he almost stopped shaking and breathing. They had to perform CPR, which wasn't too fun. Anyway, the point is he will probably be fine. Physically, that is.

I came across these letters when I packed his hospital bed. They were stored in a shoebox under his bed. Being the nosy person I am (I’m an avid reader of Pidge’s diary) I read these. I hope you don’t mind. I only really skimmed them. Lance mentioned this, but I’ve been super worried about his mental health. After you left the hopsital/town, way back when, he kinda lost it. Anxiety, depression. He really regretted everything he said. He got betterish though? When he left for college? I don’t know. We weren’t together for a couple of years.

Recently he’s been drinking a lot, to cope. It all started late August, around the anniversary of what happened. I guess he started writing these in September?He lost his job, had a hard time leaving the house, slept a lot, drank a lot. He didn’t talk about it in these letters but he’s also been having panic attacks. So you’re probably wondering what the shit I’m doing writing this to you. Well, Shiro had an idea. He wanted to give you these letters, or at least a couple of them, in the hopes that you could maybe give Lance a phone call? Anything? A note? He just needs to know you’ve forgiven him. You just need to tell him what you told all of us before you left town. We kept our end of the bargain. Now if you could just do this for Lance, it would mean so much to all of us. I gotta blast, Shiro’s driving upstate to deliver these to you in a little bit and he’s yelling at me to hurry up. Uh, bye?

-Hunk (this is so weird how did Lance do this)

❁❁❁

????????? Keith- I am literally writing this on a napkin from my tray of food here in the hospital. I'm too tired to write much about what happened right now. Plus it's embarrassing. So anyway, Hunk brought me a bag of some stuff, he accidentally grabbed your jacket. The one I kept all these years. That night you wrapped me in it. I bled on it. I never gave it back. It has a picture inside the pocket, of us. I hadn't seen it before. It's a polaroid. The ones we used to make fun of for being too artsy. Back when Hunk when through his hipster phase (*shudders*). The picture is of us on a picnic blanket in the woods, you're in my lap. It's a candid. We look so happy. I miss that kind of happy. I gotta go. I'm too tired to write anymore and the goddamn napkin keeps tearing.

Love always,

Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyeyey  
> sorry this chapter is a little late!!! my sister's bday was yesterday and she had this giant capture the flag tournament and log story short i had to lead a group of children into the woods and pit them against each other.  
> anyway! hope you like this chapter. also idk about any of u, but where i live it's pretty common for it to get warmer and then snow again all through march and april but that's just me so i swear i'm not just making up random weather patterns.  
> i pretty much have the end figured out, and i'll hopefully update it sometime before sunday.  
> thank u to anyone who read this like even if u didn't enjoy it thanks anyway i'm cryin.  
> ALSo i'm so sorry for any weird spelling/grammar/anything errors i wrote this v late at night and on and off throughout the school day so yeah (i already found one error where instead of saying love always i said lord always???? okay....turn up for jesus i guess)
> 
> comments are always appreciated!!!


	4. the light that followed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And promise me this  
> You'll wait for me only  
> Scared of the lonely arms  
> Surface, far below these burn  
> And maybe, just maybe I'll come home"
> 
> Promise, Ben Howard

Lance sighed and shifted in his sleep.He was still in the hospital. He’d been a bit too feverish, and the doctors wanted to observe him for another night before letting him go. Although he had protested this motion slightly, he eventually gave up and sunk into his bed. He was frightened that he would just go home and do the same thing. Drink. Get lost. Get found. Repeat. Repeat until nobody found him. And something terrible happened to him.

Lance was having an egregious dream that moment. He tossed and turned in his sleep. It was always the same dream. He was trapped, backed up to the steep rocky hill. Keith shouting something on the ground next to him, already having been knocked down. Those dark shadows approached. Slowly, they would hold Lance down, kicking him in the stomach, punching back Keith whenever he tried to help. After a while Keith would run away, screaming for help. They’d take Lance by the neck, they’d hold him up in the air, then Zarkon would pull out the knife and… The dream changed often. Sometimes it wouldn’t be a dream as much as a memory. And sometimes little space aliens would come in and do something slightly ridiculous, or the moon would fall out of the sky, or a giant blue lion would swoop in and save him. These were obviously the nicer options. But Lance would always wake with a tingling scar and and empty and sick stomach. He mumbled something in his slip, and turned slightly to his side.

The light from the window in his hospital room picked its way through the blinds, and peeled his eyes open. Lance blinked sleepily and draped a hand over his eyes. He heard a sniffle from the other side of the room. He sighed. The staff had allowed visitors after he had woken up and stabilized, and Hunk was there almost every minute, sometimes with Shiro and Allura, sometimes with Pidge. Coran showed up a couple of times. Lance swore Hunk was there even more than his own mother, who had a huge family to support and an important job to go to. “Hunk, the rule was no crying-” Lance groaned. He sat up and turned, placing one hand on his aching side and the other on the bed. He stopped. The man sitting in the chair was not Hunk.

Keith stared at him with wide red eyes, tears dripping down his face. His hair was a little longer than Lance remembered, it hung over his face and framed his cheeks. Keith sniffed once more and hastily wiped a hand over his eyes. He had a piled of crumpled papers on his lap and the floor next to him.

“You’re-” Lance stopped, he cocked his head, eyes glistening. He reached out a tentative hand and paused before touching Keith’s cheek. “You’re crying.”

Keith cringed. He frowned into his lap. “I’ve read your letters. The ones you wrote to me.”

Lance’s face flushed. “What? How?”

Keith took a shuddering sigh. “I’ve only lived a couple hours upstate this whole time. Shiro drove up to see me, and he gave them to me. I believe Hunk found them.”

Normally, Lance would have been pissed that Hunk had decided to rummage through his belongings. “So you came.” Lance wrapped his arms around himself, looking down as well. “You probably think I’m a total loser. No job. Drinks too much.” He paused. “Writes letters to his high-school sweetheart in his free time.”

Keith laughed softly, Lance’s heart slammed against his chest. He had missed the sound of Keith’s laugh so much. “I don’t think you’re a loser at all.”

There was a long moment of silence. Lance stared at Keith, who stared at the letters in his lap.

After an awkward minute Keith muttered, “post scriptum.”

“What?”

“Post scriptum.” Keith gave Lance a half smile and held up a letter, Lance recognized it from the wild handwriting, one of the letters he had written while drunk.

“P.S. stands for post scriptum.”

Lance smiled at him. “Those letters were embarrassing to read the next day.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “I wasn’t going to send them.”

“Why wouldn’t you send these?” Keith asked, leaning forward. “Did you think I wouldn’t want to hear from you?”

Lance narrowed his eyes. “Well yeah. We got into a massive argument, broke up, I fell asleep, and when I woke up the next day all I knew was that you left town to go live with some uncle and that Shiro was fucking pissed at me.”

Keith put his head in his hands. “I have a bit of explaining to do.” He said softly. “First of all, I was never-”

Just then the door flew open. “We brought Krispy Kreme!” Hunk sang. He stood in the doorway with Allura and Pidge, Shiro hung back in the doorway as well. “Oh wait, we’ve interrupted something haven’t we.” Hunk said, his face paling.

“No shit, Hunk.” Pidge scoffed. “It’s not like they had a bad breakup and haven’t spoken in years.”

“Don’t be a little shit.” Hunk hissed at Pidge, and then smiled apologetically. “We can leave if you still want to talk.”

Keith stood up quickly, gathering up the letters and holding them close to his chest. “No. It’s fine. He needs to rest, and have a donut.” Keith began to make his way to the door.

Lance sat up and grabbed Keith’s hand, Keith’s head whipped around, eyes wide. “Don’t leave again.” Lance said hoarsely. His eyes burned slightly and he fought back tears.

Keith’s eyes softened. He squeezed Lance’s hand. “I’m staying with Coran. I won’t be going anywhere for awhile.” He let go of Lance’s hand and made his way to the door. Shiro put a hand on Keith’s shoulder and smiled a thin lipped smile at Lance. “We’ll come visit you once you get home.” He exited with Allura and Keith.

Lance watched them go. As his two best friends smashed donuts in each other’s faces and debated on if a nurse would find a hidden donut in the room, Lance kept watching the door. Hoping, praying, Keith would come back. He felt the emptiness creeping in again. A silent tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it away hastily and turned to reach for an apple fritter from the box.

❁❁❁

Lance tilted his head back and closed his eyes, letting the warm breeze flow over him. He’d gotten home four days ago, the snow from that terrible night had almost all gone by the time Hunk actually let him out of the apartment, making it seem like a distant dream. Hunk had pushed Lance into leaving the house for a little while, saying that spring was finally here, he needed to enjoy it, that fresh air was good for him. He reminded Lance of his mother, who had been over every morning before work and evening after work for the past few days. Lance sighed, and put his hands over his eyes, letting darkness cover his vision. He was hot. It was around 65 degrees out, but Hunk had forced him into two pairs of sweatpants, boots with thick woolen socks, a winter jacket, and had wrapped a blanket around him. All for a quick trip to the park.

Hunk was off buying them sandwiches and soup at a nearby deli, and Lance was just trying to stay awake. He’d slept throughout the past few days, but not good sleep. He couldn’t dream well, he’d toss and turn in bed, restless and tired. He’d wake up to see snippets of faces, catch the middle of a conversation, feel someone draping a blanket over him and the warmth of someone holding his hand. Then he’d be gone. Back into a sea of fitful dreams.

He didn’t know what was going on with him. He was tired, he was anxious about wondering if Keith would come visit him. He wanted a stiff drink. Today when he awoke, he was alone. He could hear Hunk fiddling around in the kitchen. He was embarrassed to have found himself sleeping with his old stuffed lion toy. His mother must have brought it. Lance woke up feeling slightly clearer, stronger. He got out of bed, managed to choke down some oatmeal, and told Hunk he was feeling better (a decision warranting instant regret seeing as Hunk dragged him out to the park). Lance tried to make himself comfortable on the slightly soggy bench. It was difficult, in the stifling jacket. The few spots of crunchy melting snow had soaked his boots on the way.

He looked around for Hunk, decided that the coast was clear, and stripped off his heavy winter jacket and the ridiculous blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “Ahh…” he sighed, feeling the light breeze that enveloped his chest, soothing him instantly. He tilted his head back again, resting his eyes. He was about to fall asleep, when he felt someone sit next to him.

At first he assumed it was Hunk, but after cocking one eye open, he saw Keith. “You keep sneaking up on me.” He said softly, with a smile.

Keith laughed. “I visited you this week.”

“You did?”

“You were pretty out of it. You slept the whole time. I read a book to you when you were awake, you begged me to.”

“Read me a book?!” “Yeah.” Keith laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “You were pretty out of it. Hopped up on some meds or something I’d guess.”

Lance chuckled. “What book?”

“Winnie the Pooh.”

“Winnie the Pooh!” Lance exclaimed happily, sitting up straight. “I love Winnie the Pooh!”

“Yeah that’s what you said.” Keith laughed.

Lance smiled. They sat there in silence for a moment, looking not at each other, but at the ground, the sky, the street, the trees. They were each avoiding looking at the other because they both knew that if they made eye contact then one of them would have to talk and that there was a very difficult conversation about to be had. They knew they would need to discuss it at some point, but neither really felt up to any sort of emotional distress after the week both of them had been through.

Lance sighed, he looked up the street towards the deli, he saw Hunk sitting at a table on the patio with Shiro. He waved. “That son of a… “ Lance muttered.

“Hm?” Keith asked.

“Nothing.” Lance said. “I knew he’d plan something like this sooner or later.” He stood up. “Let’s walk around the park.” Keith helped him gather up his blanket and jacket and they took off, strolling down the crooked cobblestone path of the park.

“So, what have you been doing all this time?” Lance said, his cheeks slightly red. He felt stupid for asking. He wasn’t sure why. He had just always assumed that he would know what Keith would be up to.

Keith put his hands in his pockets. “Just random stuff.” He sighed. “I’ve been doing some odd jobs. Fixing cars, painting houses, just random stuff to pay rent you know.”

“That’s cool. Cooler than what I’ve been doing, which is nothing.” Lance laughed awkwardly. “Who’ve you been… staying with?” Lance ventured, not meeting Keith’s eye.

“Nobody important.” Keith cleared his throat. “I have a cousin who has a place up there. I was sleeping in his basement and paying some rent. It’s not much,” he shrugged. “But it’s somewhere to sleep.” He paused for a moment, then stopped. He turned to face Lance. “Lance I need to tell you the truth.” Keith said boldly, his eyebrows turned down.

Lance sucked in a breath. They sat down on a nearby bench in the pavilion in the center of the park. Keith sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Lance noticed the bags under Keith’s eyes, they looked like deep purple-ish blue smudges. He looked so tired,

Lance wanted to reach out and touch him. To comfort him. Ask him if he’s okay. “When you were in the hospital, after Zarkon and Sendak’s trial, we had that argument.” Keith started. “Some bad things were said, you told me you didn’t want to be with me anymore if it had to be in secret.”

“Keith, I didn’t mean-” Lance interjected.

Keith held up a hand, silencing him. “Lance, I know that you didn’t mean any of those things. I know you were just scared, confused, possibly had a little too much morphine in your system, I knew it then and I know it know. But I was scared too. I wasn’t mad, I was just scared.” His eyes glossed over with tears. “That night, was the scariest night of my life. I thought you were going to bleed out in my arms.” He took a breath to steady himself. Lance looked down into his lap, thinking of the scar running down his abdomen. “My grandma kicked me out of her house, after the trial.” Keith began again, pushing down his tears. “She called me a faggot. She told me that I had led you down the wrong path, that I had provoked those boys. That it was all my fault. She told me-” Keith gulped, “she told me that I should’ve been locked away instead of them, because when you really got down to the truth of it, it was all my fault.”

“Keith…” Lance’s eyes were wide. He caught himself reaching out a hand to Keith.

“I didn’t know where to go. I only knew that I couldn’t stay with you. I didn’t want you to get hurt again, I didn’t want to make you live in secret anymore. I wanted you to be happy. I told Shiro, Allura, Pidge, and Hunk, to tell you that I had left town. That I didn’t want to see you. I stayed around for a month or two after that. I wanted to make sure that you’d pull through.” His voice cracked. “That you’d be okay.”

Lance didn’t stop himself this time, he grasped Keith’s hand in his own, realizing they were sitting closer than they had been when they had first sat down.

“I couch hopped for awhile. Doing odd jobs. Once I heard you were going to be okay, and you were still going to university, I left. I went up to live with my uncle, eventually my cousins. I cut ties with almost everyone, except Shiro. I didn’t want to hear about you. I assumed you were doing good, succeeding at university, dating someone else. Moved far away.” He sighed. “That is until Shiro showed up at my cousin’s house in the middle of the night with a shoebox full of letters.” Keith let out a soft chuckle as a solitary tear drifted down his cheek. Keith finally noticed how tightly Lance was holding his hand. Neither of them said anything.

“Uh,” Lance cleared his throat. “It seems to me that we’re both pretty useless without the other.”

Keith laughed, his eyes still wet with tears. He sighed, and sniffed, wiping at his face. “I was so worried about you Lance. In the hospital, these past few days. Reading your letters.” He gestured absent mindedly.

Lance cleared is throat, and angled away slightly. “About that.” He said. “Those letters were,” he couldn’t seem to find the words. “Embarrassing.” He looked down, putting his face in his hand, and leaning over. “I’m pretty worthless.” He said with a muffled voice. “I wasn’t there for you.”

“Hey.” Keith leaned over, putting a hand on Lance’s cheek.“Listen, I don’t know,” his face was beet red. “I don’t know about you, but, despite all the shit we’ve been through-” Lance chuckled slightly. “I wanna stay with you.” Keith said softly. “I-I’ve been missing you all these years, and I’ve been so worried, and I don’t care if you don’t want to pick up our relationship again, but I need you in my life and-”

Lance didn’t let him finish, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Keith’s eyes flew open, and then he put his arms around Lance, and kissed him back.

 

Meanwhile, Hunk sat with Shiro at the deli, his mouth wrapped around a panini.

“They look like they’re gonna be okay.” Shiro said, watching the two become much more… intimate looking on the faraway bench.

“Yeah, yeah, true love, meant to be, whatever. Shiro have you ever eaten one of these paninis? It’s amazing, apricot with honey glazed ham and cheddar- I need to get a panini maker, ASAP!” Hunk mumbled between bites.

Shiro sipped his coffee and smiled. “It does smell good. I should pick something up for Allura.”

“Hell yeah.”

Shiro returned his gaze to the young couple in the park. “I’m happy they found each other again.” He said softly.

Hunk said nothing, he knew they’d find each other again, eventually. Somehow.

“They balance each other.” Hunk chewed in agreement.

❁❁❁

New Years Day sometime later…

Keith-

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I miss you. Wake up? You fell asleep half on my leg and now I can’t feel the right side of my body.

Today is New Years, it was a pretty good one in my book. Everyone came over to our apartment and brought food, Hunk brought paninis, they were so good. Changed my life. Last night was so nice, we were able to see some fireworks from our window and we just sat there all cozy together and watched them. I’m so happy you came back to town. Every time ( ~~we touch i get this feeling everytime we kiss i swear i could fly~~ ) I see your face in the morning, I remember that we’re together again, and I feel so full of joy that I could just burst! You bring a smile to my face constantly, even when I just think about you, about us.

I guess I’m writing this because our story needs a conclusion. I know you still have those letters that I wrote all that time ago, I know they’re in the shoebox underneath your suitcase in the closet. How do I know? Because I know everything about you and you are (and always will be) terrible at keeping secrets. Anyway, I know you still look at them sometimes, and I can tell it makes you sad to see that part of me. It makes me sad too. But I don’t want you to think about it anymore!! I love you so much, you make me so happy, and nothing will ever tear us apart again. (Unless we have another Just Dance wii battle, because I will take your pretty ass DOWN TOWN (again)).

I love you. So the next time you feel sad or angry or guilty and look at these stupid angsty letters, you’ll find this one on top. Please wake up soon. I miss you and I want pancakes.

Love always, Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sorry this was so much later than i promised)
> 
> Wowow it’s done!! I’d just like to give a big thanks to everyone who has read this and left a kind comment, or messaged me on tumblr, you guys are so amazing!!! Honestly!!! Those comments and messages keep me going :)) they mean a lot!!! 
> 
> Quick sidenote: I don’t really know why I included a panini side arc, it’s lunch, I’m hungry, and I want a goddamn apricot ham & cheese panini (if u want the recipe hook me the fuck up (i mean it isn’t really much of a recipe bc it’s a sandwich but still, i am a panini enthusiast and always down to talk about them))
> 
> So this fic is done, sad right :(, but if you want you could read the other Klance fanfic I wrote!! It’s called After the Storm and it’s slightly (slightly) more lighthearted.
> 
> Thanks again for reading this, please feel free to message me on my tumblr (eremint is my voltron/anime blog and hula-hoopist is my main :)) i will literally cry tears of joy if u message me, it doesn’t even have to be about the fic, it can be about klance in general, voltron, or anything at all. How’s it going man. if u make any posts about it or whatever just tag me in them and i'll probably cry. Love u!!!!! Bye:))
> 
>  
> 
> UPDATE::: PREQUEL IN THE WORKS!!!
> 
> (ALSO: ”If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”  
> ― Winnie the Pooh :))))))

**Author's Note:**

> let me know how u like it!! comment or message me on tumblr: eremint (my main is hula-hoopist)  
> :)


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